Why Intercountry Adoption?

This is the second installment in a planned series we’re calling “Adoption Whys” (that’s the plural form of the word “why”; yes, I know it looks funny). In this series we’ll be addressing all of the various “why” questions that we have asked ourselves and/or fielded from others. The first installment, “Why Adoption?” can be viewed by clicking the link in the menu at the top of the page or by reading the following three posts: part 1, part 2 and part 3.

Now, back to the question at hand. Why intercountry adoption? (Quick aside: In the adoption community “intercountry adoption” has become the preferred term over “international adoption” when speaking of adopting a child from a country other than one’s own.)

Most often this question is phrased somewhat like this: “Why would you guys adopt a child from another country when there are orphans right here in the U.S. that need families?” That’s an extremely valid question, and it’s usually asked in one of two ways. The first is by people who are genuinely wondering and open to hearing our answer. The second is by people who have already decided we are acting in a manner that is un-American and simply want us to know what they think but are too “polite” to come out and say it, a fact that results in them passive-aggressively asking us the above question. I’m more than happy to answer people from either group. Though, those in the second normally put adopting families on the defensive, and I personally don’t believe anyone choosing to adopt a child should have to defend their choice to anyone not directly involved in the actual adoption. Just in case you were wondering.

So, with that being said, what’s our answer?

Let me begin by stating the obvious. Adoption, of any kind, is a very personal decision. There are as many reasons to adopt as there are individuals and couples who choose to do so. Rarely, if ever, are you going to come across someone adopting who made the conscious choice to NOT adopt domestically or NOT adopt intercountry. Rather, what you’ll usually find is that those adopting made an extremely well-though-out decision to adopt and then the option to do so domestically or intercountry flowed, somewhat naturally, out of their journey.

For us, personally, there are any number of reasons we’re adopting intercountry. Initially, when I would answer this question, I would do so by discussing the differences between our country’s orphan-care system and those found in other places around the world, especially in developing countries. This response usually involved me talking about how even the neediest people in America are so much better off than so many other people, especially children, who are stuck in poverty in the “third-world”. I would talk about how our system, though certainly not perfect, provides so much more in care and opportunity for orphan or abandoned children here in the U.S. than other systems in other countries (if they even have systems at all). Now, that’s all true, but the more I think about it, the less I believe this is an adequate response. Every child needs a forever-family, whether they have the good fortune of being here in the good ol’ U.S.A. or not. For that reason, I don’t want to give any response that seeks to elevate the qualifications of one orphan over another. I still think this is a valid reason for people to use to choose intercountry adoption, and it certainly played a role in our decision, but there are also many other factors that honestly played into the direction our journey has taken.

Probably one of the biggest factors that affects whether or not an individual or couple adopting chooses domestic or intercountry is this: personal experience. These experiences might include:

• The type of adoption they’ve been exposed to before.

• What adoption stories they’ve heard that helped inspire them.

• What orphans they’ve had encounters with throughout their lives.

• What their friends and families think.

• How “patriotic” they are.

Plus any number of others. I can say that, for us, each of these played some kind of role in our decision. We each grew up knowing people who were adopted domestically and not a person who had been adopted intercountry. However, our current community is full of people who have adopted intercountry. We’ve heard their stories, and, in some cases, lived their stories with them. In our travels, particularly in Africa, we’ve encountered lots of children in need of families and homes. Many of our friends and family are on board with intercountry adoption, and some are even involved in it directly. Then, I wouldn’t say that we aren’t patriotic, but I would say that we don’t have a measure of patriotism that causes us to be so loyal that we ignore the need of the greater world around us in favor of that of our own country.

I feel like I need to be clear that we are not against domestic adoption. Not at all. We’re for it. I’m for it. In fact, I’m just in favor of adoption as a whole. In fact, we were briefly involved in a possible domestic adoption that just didn’t work out. We may adopt domestically in the future. If you’re wanting to adopt and feel like domestic is for you, awesome. Go for it. Let us know how we can pray for you and how we can help.

For those wanting to adopt an infant, there are a number of unique factors to consider. Because of the amount of time it takes to adopt, when adopting an infant intercountry, the chances are that your child will be 5-9 months old before you actually have them. Domestically, you might be able to get your child on the day they’re actually born. However, this domestic process puts a lot of focus on the birth-mother. She, normally, has all the power. She chooses the family that will raise the child she’s bearing. She can change her mind at any time. This presents some unique risks that a person adopting an infant domestically has to weigh. I”m not saying birth-parents shouldn’t have any rights. They should. I’m more presenting differences in the processes.

Sometimes people talk up domestic adoption because of the cost (they believe it’s cheaper) and wait time (they believe it’s quicker). However, with regards to these two factors, intercountry and domestic adoption, on average, work out to be about the same. Some benefits to the domestic route, though, are the availability of medical and social histories (in intercountry adoptions these can often be rather sparse) and legal  concerns (Americans are usually more equipped to, with a little help, navigate the American legal system more easily than that of, say, Swaziland).

So, anyway, why did we choose intercountry adoption? For the reason listed, yes, but also just because we did.

Call it conviction.

Call it calling.

Call it a feeling.

Call it a leaning.

Call it whatever you like.

Now, what will you choose?