~Enigmatic Meanderings~

A few months ago Erin, Andy and I decided to have this “competition” on our blogs.  We never followed through because Andy kept dragging his feet.  However, yesterday, Erin threw down the gauntlet.  Here’s her introduction to the whole deal.

“This morning, Kinsley, Monte, Andy, and I were in a Creative Team meeting for the Bible study for the company we work for (that was a good amount of prepositional phrases; my apologies). We tend to get a little punch-drunk during these meetings, and today was no exception.

I’m notoriously bad at forming complete ideas in Creative Team, as well as usually being the one to knock us off topic. I had some vague idea for an activity and when Monte pressed me to be more specific, I said something to the effect of, ‘Can’t the teachers just come up with that part?’ Andy remarked (sarcastically, I might add) that this was a great new idea for a Bible Study, just giving general suggestions. Kinsley christened our new idea ‘Mere Suggestions.’ And we decided to have a blog contest to see who could come up with the best lesson for ‘Mere Suggestions.’”

You can check out Erin’s submission here.

And now, I’m proud to present mine.

Mere Suggestions Bible Study

Lesson 1: Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Biblical Verse: “If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.” – Deuteronomy 25:11-12

Learning Goal: Students will fear getting their hands cut off if they venture below the equator.

Biblical Context: Women are trouble. Everyone knows that. No man wants one grabbing his junk in the middle of a fight. Students need to know, though, that there shouldn’t be any of those shenanigans in any situation. It’s wrong and dirty. Period.

Connect Activity: Tell some horrible stories about what happens to dirty little boys and girls who don’t keep their hands to themselves.

The Key Study: Read the verses and then yell at the group for awhile about keeping their hands to themselves to let them know how serious you are. If anyone raises their hand to ask a question, pull out a machete to make your point.  Tell them that somewhere else in the Bible it says something about people with crushed or cut genitalia being forbidden from coming before the Lord.

Transform: Show provocative photos and have the students slap themselves as hard as they can across the face anytime they think a dirty thought.  Then pray.

I hope this helps.

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Today I’m introducing a new feature here at Enigmatic Meanderings that I’m calling “Friend Friday.” This just means that on some Fridays (though, possibly, not every Friday) I’ll feature something from a friend of mine.

Sounds like fun, right?

But first, let me relay to you a conversation that just occurred in my office.

Here’s the set-up: Liza was up here with Story for a few minutes, and Erin was standing in my doorway talking to us. Earl was walking by on his way to talk to Taylor. He stopped in, though, to see Story and whatever. While he was there, he asked Erin how the heat’s been for her (you see, Erin is pregnant, as many of you know, and it’s funny to some of us that she’s pregnant during the hottest time of the year). She remarked that the air-conditioner has been out at their townhouse and then animatedly relayed to us the story of trying to get it fixed. This resulted in her saying that she and Ben had finally given up and called an AC guy themselves to come fix the problem. They called Evans, whom Liza and I have used before, and Liza, especially, liked. She then went on to tell Erin why she liked them so much when the following conversation occurred.

Liza:  …So they’re really nice. Plus, it’s who Rick and Bubba recommend.

Erin:  (Sarcastically) Well, there’s a shining recommendation right there.

Me:  (Equally sarcastically) Isn’t it?

Erin: (To Liza) You listen to Rick and Bubba every day, don’t you?

Liza:  No.

Me:  She used to, during school.

Liza:  When I was driving to school every day, I would listen to them about twice a week.

Erin:  (Skeptically) That’s it?

Liza:  They talk a lot about hunting and sports and stuff, and that’s not really my thing.

Erin:  Right.

Liza:  But I like to listen to them when they’re, you know, talking about world stuff… like American Idol.

!!!!!!!

Oh, babe. (SIGH) I love you.

Now, on to Friend Friday…

Today’s Friend Friday Feature is the blog Kitchen Mischief: A Chronicle of Culinary Mishaps and Masterpieces by Josh and Matthew. Josh was one of my closest friends in high school, and though he’s a marketing manager for Time Inc. here in Birmingham, we haven’t really spoken directly since that time. It’s a shame really. I even struggled with where to put their blog in the links to the right. I settled on “This other stuff”because it’s specialized and not a personal blog, but it’s not because I don’t consider Josh a friend or anything. It’s just one of those things that happens as you age. Plus, I don’t really know Matthew, though I’m sure he’s a great guy.

Anyway, back to Kitchen Mischief… these guys aren’t chefs or anything, but they love food and have good tastes. On this blog they’re simply sharing recipes and how-to tips they’ve tried with the idea that if they can do it, so can you. It’s a young blog, but it’s great, and here’s to hoping they keep it up. So, check it out.

Have a good weekend.

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I own a bobble-head Jesus. It was a gift. So, I didn’t buy it, but I do like it. However, in my most reverent and/or legalistic moments I feel bad for having it ’cause of a combination of no-graven-image and taking-the-Lord’s-name-in-vain. I’m able to see some humor in it, though. But this might be a bit much. Never purchase this for Story… please.

I also own a bobble-head Jerry Falwell, but I never feel bad about that.

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So, I’m going to a bit out of a pocket today. “Why?” you might ask. I’m glad you did.

You see… Liza, Story and I are headed to Jackson today because tomorrow there is a Sip and See being thrown in Story’s honor. “What’s a Sip and See?” I’m sure you’re wondering.

Well, friends, a Sip and See is kinda like a reception. Evidently, you dress your baby up in a frilly dress and invite people to come look at her. I guess tea or punch is normally served (hence the “sip” to go along with the “see”).

Now, I know what you’re all thinking. “But, Kins, I want to go to the Sip and See and stare at your beautiful daughter while drinking tea and/or punch, but I wasn’t invited. Plus, I avoid going to Mississippi at all costs.” Have no fear. I didn’t want all of you to be left out. So, I’ve developed a Virtual Sip and See just for all of you.

In order to fully enjoy the full Virtual Sip and See experience, simply follow these easy steps:

Step 1. Get up from your computer or mobile device.

Step 2. Grab your favorite beverage. Hot tea would be most apropos. However, coffee would work. You could even go with a soda or a nice, tall glass of ice water. No hard stuff, though, please. This is for a baby.

Step 3. Sit back down at your computer or mobile device.

Step 4. Press play on the video below. It’s some footage of Story being super-cute set to her favorite Rockabye Baby! song.

Step 5. Sip your beverage and see (watch) the video. Please watch all the way to the end (or you could just skip to about 3:30 in). I assure you, you won’t be disappointed.

Enjoy!

Virtual Sip and See from Chris Kinsley on Vimeo.

Wasn’t that fun?

*EDITOR’S NOTE* I give you my solemn vow that this will not turn into a baby blog.

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Faithful readers of this blog (both of you; thanks, Liza and Mom) know that my posts tend to vary and shift between serious and mildly humorous (or at least sarcastic). This particular post is going to appear to be of the latter variety, but let me assure you, it is most certainly of the former.

Some of you know that I have a mild to moderate interest in scary movies. If you begin to break that genre down into its sub-genres, you might discover that my interest can quickly evolve into a full-blown obsession, especially when it comes to zombies. That’s right. I’m talking about the walking dead. Everything from Romero’s original masterpiece to those awfully embarrassing SciFi Originals that they show early on Saturday mornings with titles like “Rave to the Grave” capture and grip my interest like a rigomortic fist. But it doesn’t stop with movies. In fact, I’ve been playing a video game recently (with some of you and your husbands) all about surviving the zombie apocalypse. I even own The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead by Max Brooks in both print and audio format.

And that brings us to the purpose of today’s post.  I know that not all of you take the threat of zombie attacks seriously.  However, because I care so much, I don’t want to leave you completely unprepared.

So, I’d now like to offer you (according to the back cover of The Zombie Survival Guide) the…

TOP 10 LESSONS FOR SURVIVING A ZOMBIE ATTACK

1.  ORGANIZE BEFORE THEY ARISE – Don’t wait until you hear lifeless, monotonic moans down the street and fingernail scrapes on your windows while you watch frantic news reports about the outbreak of some unknown virus.  If you do, it’s already too late.  The time to prepare is now.  So, stock up on your canned food, bottled water, and ammunition.  Clean your guns and sharpen your machete.  Plan your escape route to your secluded safehouse/fortress and pay attention to the following 9.  You’ll thank me later.

2.  THEY FEEL NO FEAR, WHY SHOULD YOU? – Sure.  They’re a never ending horde of beings bent on your complete destruction, but that’s no reason to get all worked up.  Being scared will just cause you to panic, make rash decisions and ultimately result in many mistakes, which leads to only one thing: you becoming one of them.  Instead, stop.  Take a deep breath.  Remember your training.  Listen carefully.  Communicate effectively.  And keep moving.

3.  USE YOUR HEAD: CUT OFF THEIRS. – The only way to be sure a zombie is down is to destroy their head, the brain in particular.  It’s that simple.  Don’t waste your time on anything else.

4.  BLADES DON’T NEED RELOADING. – I know a lot of you are real gun aficionados, and that’s fine.  Firearms are a good form of protection against the undead.  Of course, they just have two problems: a. they’re loud and b. they run out of ammo.  Blades don’t.  So long as you keep them sharp, you’re golden.  That’s why I have three swords, two spears and a machete in my house.

5.  IDEAL PROTECTION = TIGHT CLOTHES, SHORT HAIR. – Zombies aren’t too smart, but they are persistent.  And the first thing they do before they bite you is grab you.  Don’t make it easy for them.

6.  GET UP THE STAIRCASE, THEN DESTROY IT. – Zombies aren’t good problem solvers.  They can’t climb unless something is in place to make it easy for them.  So, why not get elevated and then make it hard, as close to impossible as you can.  Just don’t burn it down.  You’ll probably end up destroying the whole place and then you’re out of luck.  Plus a flaming zombie isn’t necessarily a dead one.

7.  GET OUT OF THE CAR, GET ONTO THE BIKE. – This lesson is actually similar to the one about guns and blades.  Cars are noisy and run out of gas.  Bikes aren’t and don’t.  Plus, they’re much more maneuverable.

8.  KEEP MOVING, KEEP LOW, KEEP QUIET, KEEP ALERT! – This one’s pretty self-explanatory.

9.  NO PLACE IS SAFE, ONLY SAFER. – Don’t get too comfortable.  Always have your guard up.  Fortify and prepare as much as possible and keep watch.  I don’t care where you are.  Bonus: some of the places you might think are the safes (police precincts; army bases; hospitals) are probably the least.  Don’t go there.

10.  THE ZOMBIE MAY BE GONE, BUT THE THREAT LIVES ON. – Something made them zombies in the first place.  Just because they’re not here right now, doesn’t mean they’ll never be.

I hope this will prove to be helpful for you.  If you’d like to find a little bit more information about how you can best prepare for the survival of the human race, you can find it here.

Thanks for reading and good luck out there.

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…of these two sexy guys.

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Okay.  Thanks so much for the comments.  This was a much better response.  However, I believe Natalie is correct.  I will apologize for making the post so long and giving them to you all at once.  I should have saved them so you would have something to look forward to each and every time you return to this site.  Oh well.  Pressure’s on now to make it that interesting.

I will now comment on something that could be a bit tricky: sports-lovers.  Now, I myself am not a sports-lover.  However, I have nothing against sports-lovers.  I enjoy going to live games.  I even enjoy watching sporting events on TV with a group of people.  I just don’t think, “ooh, I can’t wait to get home to watch ___________ (insert your favorite team or sport.”  But I understand people that do.  It’s much like I am with movies or Bobby Flay’s Boy Meets Grill.  So, I am not someone that thinks sports-lovers are stupid.  What I do think is stupid is when you are somewhere and there is a discussion taking place about sports amongst sports-lovers.  I, not being a sports-lover, normally do not engage in the conversaton seeing as how I have nothing to bring to it.  However, I am not sitting there thinking about how stupid it is that they are talking about sports.  I do think, though, that is what the sports-lovers themeselves assume I am thinking because they inevitably call me out with some comment like, “Hey, Kinsley.  Bet you’re real interested in this,” or, “Hey, Kinsley.  Who’d be your first pick for fantasy football?” or,”Hey, Kinsley.  What new plays are coming out this fall?  Who’s your pick for the best-actor Tony?”  That is stupid.  But if I were to reverse that scenario and call someone out by asking something like, “Hey, ________ (fill in a sports-lover’s name) what do you think about the impact on and transformatin of the theater of the abusrd by Stoppard’s Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead?”  I would be considered a pompous ________ (fill in the blank with your favorite derogatory term).  So, to resolve this, I’ve decided to pick a sport to become passionate about and I’ve chosen Curling.

See you on the ice!

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