Xanga Post Tuesday October 11, 2005

Okay.  So there's a lot to say but I won't be able to cover it all.  I'll try to hit the highlights.

First, thanks to all of you out in Xangaland who track along with my site.  It honeslty means a lot to me that you would take the time to read about my ridiculous journey and help me along the way.  I thought about listing you all out, but I would inevitably forget someone and then I would end up hurting someone I wanted to thank.  And that is never a good idea.

The second day of Catalyst didn't even come close to living up to the first.  Erwin was pretty good.  The short films he showed were great.  I fell asleep in the first part of our trip home but was riled back awake to the tune of "Say It Ain't So" by Weezer.  We then spent the next hour or more listening to nineties music while I was nostalgic and sang them loud and off key.  Put me in a van with people I love at night when I'm tired and I'm bound to embarass myself.

I'm still reading Searching for God Knows What and it's confirmed.  I like Donald Miller.  Something I read last night was very relevant to all the whining and moaning and wondering I've been doing lately, particularly with regard to my desire to write a book.

Miller writes about watching an interview with Tom Arnold after the latter wrote his book How I Lost Five Pounds in Six Years, which ironically could be the title of my book as well.  The interviewer asked Tom Arnold why he wrote the book and Tom Arnold responded something along the lines of so that people would like him.  He said that's why he did anything, comedy, television, whatever.  He did it all to receive affirmation from people.  Miller commented that he was asked the same question a few weeks after seeing this interview, and although he would like to answer differently, he said his answer had to be basically the same.  It's the same for me.  Otherwise, why would I spend my time writing here.  Sure, part of it is to tell everyone what's going on or what I'm thinking without having to sit them all down or risk them getting bored with my life.  But honestly, it's to see how many commments I can get about a post.  I made an offhanded remark in RBF on Sunday that I wanted to be a writer, but actually was kind of a writer, except I wanted to write the kind of stuff that people come up and ask you to autograph.  I want the affirmation.

So, now I'm attempting to learn to be content and trust the affirmation I already have.  After all, my identity is in Christ, not all you guys.  Right?

So, maybe that's why God hasn't given me a book to write yet.

Of course, I thought the same thing about theater and now I do that for a living.  So, who knows?

I have also realized that I look a great deal like my father.

xangaChris Kinsley