Xanga Post Tuesday June 28, 2005
Currently in the Sheraton Hotel at South Padre Island, TX. SL@the Beach rules! Or whatever. At least we get to hang out with KJ, Nate, and Hannah. I have been re-reading Seizing Your Divine Moment to prepare for our meeting with Mr. McManus tomorrow morning. Update on that to come.
So, thanks for the comments and eprops. Jen, I appreciate your feedback. I think the link between cynicism and a judgemental attitude is dead on. Taylor, I do think there is a difference between cynicism and sarcasm and certainly appreciate a well placed sarcastic comment.
I guess that ultimately what I'm saying and dealing with right now is that I truly want to know God. Intimately. To know His heartbeat. I'm tired of guessing or learning. I want to know, to tap into what He has already revealed to me and desires to continue to reveal to me. I think that a life lived knowing God will require significant change from one that doesn't, and not just in the transition of moving from non-belief to belief.
On many levels, I like change. So, I should be embracing of any change that this type of pursuit might bring? Right? Perhaps, but the reality is that it scares the "poo" out of me to the point that I often find myself paralyzed. I want to know the God who is Love and perfect love drives out fear, yet I'm scared to death. What will this type of reckless existence look like? How will it affect my life direction? How will it change my friendships?
I finally graduated with my masters in December, yet I find myself in the most intense schooling that I have ever gone through. This time, though, my instructor is the Holy Spirit. He teaches and convicts as well as guides and directs, all while speaking all the things that He hears. I'm simply listening. I can't wait to see where this goes.
Sorry, to be so heavy. I don't normally talk about this stuff. Probably because of my insecurities of having to face what others think about me. It's easier to just leave it out here in cyberland for you all to read and perhaps (hopefully) respond. At any rate, I appreciate teh comraderie.