~Enigmatic Meanderings~

New Developments (there are many):

1.  In the midst of all the somewhat humurous discussion regarding my possible hearing problems, I have developed an ear infection.  This infection came about beginning on Monday resulting from a refreshing dip in the Gulf I had last Friday.  The symptoms started on Monday with the feeling that something was in my ear.  Therefore, I tried to clean it extensively, to the point that when I went to the doctor on Wednesday he informed me that I don’t have any wax left in my ears (not necessarily good).  The infection is commonly known as “swimmer’s ear.”  Some symptoms of swimmer’s ear are: a) mild discomfort and/or b) itching.  However, in extreme cases other symptoms can result.  These include discharge, swollen lymph nodes, intense pain moving to the jaw and face, blocking of the ear canal, and loss of hearing.  Guess who has and extreme case?  I can’t sleep at night.  I can’t hear well.  I’m in constant pain.  If this is what little kids feel when they get an ear infection, then no wonder they scream the whole time.

2.  Went to see Hustle and Flow last night with KJ.  I won’t say it was great (there were definitely some rough spots) but I liked it a lot.  It even got to me at times.  I’m a sucker for a story of someone trying to fulfill their dreams, especially when it involves a group rallying around them.  Which leads to…

3.  KJ and I discussed how “this might be the year.”  Now you may be asking yourself, “the year for what?”  Fill it in yourself.  There’s a great feeling going into this next season, particularly with Student Life but in our own lives as well.  The important thing is to hang on to that attitude.  Leading me to…

4.  I have made a decision.  This year I’m going to try to enjoy what I do.  I mean I enjoy it.  I do.  I love it.  But I’m always nervous and worried and feel pressured.  I want to learn to have confidence in what I believe God has given me and what He is using me to do.

5.  I’m disillusioned with my church.  I don’t like to bad mouth it or anything, so I won’t, especially here.  However, I will say that I am searching for something and have yet to find it.  I’m not sure it exists in the ‘Ham.

Holla.

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1995 was an interesting/good/formative year for me.  So, I’m being nostalgic today, allowing the acoustic version of Jagged Little Pill to take me back while maintaining my maturity.  Perhaps I’ll put on Cracked Rearview next.  Perhaps not.

I have recently become ever more aware that might possibly have a hearing problem.  I have known that I sometimes have difficulty hearing other people and that “huh?” has become a regular part of my vocabulary, especially in places where noise is prevalent, like a restaurant with people chatting, starbucks where music is playing or during soundcheck at camp.  What I didn’t know though was just how much people had noticed this issue.  I have been wondering if there is something I could do about it.  Like, should I use some of those ear candles to burn out my ear wax (which I still may try)?  I mentioned this to Drew today, and he informed me that many other people had noticed this about me and often wondered why I “yell” sometimes during normal conversation.  These people (some of you may be included) came to the conclusion that it must result from a combination of the fact that I’m animated and might not be able to hear well.  Please, let me know your own thoughts on the evidently inoperativeness of my ears.

I currently have no new rambling thoughts on God or my relationship with Him.  Maybe I’ll edit later.  I’m in a weird mood.  Liza says I always get depressed around this time of year and that it lasts for a couple of moments.  I wonder why I haven’t been aware of this either.

Holla.

Edit: New Background

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Actually, I finished the new Harry Potter sometime yesterday afternoon.  I couldn’t help myself.  I did accompany some people to Barnes and Noble at midnight on friday.  It was ridiculous.  We had some of the first armbands for people who didn’t pre-order the book (see, I’m not that obsessive) but as we were standing there, Drew Worsham wondered aloud if WalMart would be as crazy as B&N.  Since we had time we went there and found them wheeling out a whole pallet of books.  We grabbed one and walked right out.  Plus it was 50% off.  I will say nothing about the book itself including my opinion for fear of ruining something for someone else.  However, I’d love to hear from you about it.  So, call, email, im, whatever.

Also, i’ve started a new discipline in my life.  From here on out I will constantly be reading something.  I will alternate between novels and some other sort of book.  Next up, Uprising by Erwin McManus then By Sorrow’s River by Larry McMurtry, who by the way is the greatest living American novelist in my opinion (see Lonesome Dove, Last Picture Show, Terms of Endearment, etc.).

I also haven’t been posting for awhile because I began to feel some pressure to make my posts meaningful.  Why?  Because I’m sick in the head.  I will try to get over it.

However, with regard to some of my previous posts…  In my pursuit of actually knowing God more, I am constantly wanting to hear Him better.  But I have discovered that more often than not He speaks to me not about Himself per se but about me.  And through a better understanding of my self I grow in my understanding of Him.  I know that sounds New Age, but it’s not.  Let me explain.  God is constant and forever, never changing, the same yesterday, today and forever.  Right?  But I change.  Constantly.  The more I understand about how I currently operate and how I might change I gain insight into how my own personality and views affect how I encounter and interact with God.  Thus, revealing how my presuppositions paint me a picture of Him that may not always be accurate. 

A great portal for this insight is dreams.  If you’re one of those people who don’t remember your dreams, I’m sorry.  Dreams can reveal deep truths about yourself, how you think, how you feel, how you really view yourself or others around you.  Try to jot them down over the next week or something and see if I’m right.

Until then….  Holla.

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