28
Jun
Author: kinsley // Category:
xanga
Currently in the Sheraton Hotel at South Padre Island, TX. SL@the Beach rules! Or whatever. At least we get to hang out with KJ, Nate, and Hannah. I have been re-reading Seizing Your Divine Moment to prepare for our meeting with Mr. McManus tomorrow morning. Update on that to come.
So, thanks for the comments and eprops. Jen, I appreciate your feedback. I think the link between cynicism and a judgemental attitude is dead on. Taylor, I do think there is a difference between cynicism and sarcasm and certainly appreciate a well placed sarcastic comment.
I guess that ultimately what I’m saying and dealing with right now is that I truly want to know God. Intimately. To know His heartbeat. I’m tired of guessing or learning. I want to know, to tap into what He has already revealed to me and desires to continue to reveal to me. I think that a life lived knowing God will require significant change from one that doesn’t, and not just in the transition of moving from non-belief to belief.
On many levels, I like change. So, I should be embracing of any change that this type of pursuit might bring? Right? Perhaps, but the reality is that it scares the “poo” out of me to the point that I often find myself paralyzed. I want to know the God who is Love and perfect love drives out fear, yet I’m scared to death. What will this type of reckless existence look like? How will it affect my life direction? How will it change my friendships?
I finally graduated with my masters in December, yet I find myself in the most intense schooling that I have ever gone through. This time, though, my instructor is the Holy Spirit. He teaches and convicts as well as guides and directs, all while speaking all the things that He hears. I’m simply listening. I can’t wait to see where this goes.
Sorry, to be so heavy. I don’t normally talk about this stuff. Probably because of my insecurities of having to face what others think about me. It’s easier to just leave it out here in cyberland for you all to read and perhaps (hopefully) respond. At any rate, I appreciate teh comraderie.
22
Jun
Author: kinsley // Category:
xanga
I said I was committed to this thing, but that obviously was a bit presumptuous of me. I still find the idea of people reading random thoughts of mine to be somewhat disconcerting. I just don’t think that much of myself.
Anyway…
When I was in high school, early high school, ninth and tenth grades, I had a good friend named Eddie. Eddie told me one time that many other people had remarked that Eddie and I seemed to be the same person, except the only difference was that I had morals and he did not. He blamed my morals on the fact that I was an idealist, like that was a bad thing. I remember being extremely taken aback by this. I talked with my parents about whether or not that was bad and remember thinking that I hoped I never grew up to stop being an idealist. Well, I have. I am now the opposite of an idealist. Not a realist. Instead, I’m a cynic. Although I’m not sure that idealism or realism are particularly Christian virtues, I am almost certain there is something amiss with Christian cynicism. I regret it, yet don’t know what to do about it. There are certianly outside factors that have contributed to my cynicism, but I can’t shake the feeling that I take some pride in it. Like, I’m better to be on the fringe, cynical of all things “Christian” or “too religious.”
I’ve been doing some soul searching lately, trying to come to grips with the genuine love that I have for God, all of Him, Father, Son & Spirit. I think He certainly recognizes things as they are but I don’t think he’s cynical or sarcastic about it. What does that say about me?
09
Jun
Author: kinsley // Category:
xanga
I finished Under the Banner of Heaven (the book I was currently reading when I last posted). The basis of the book is looking at an incident in the 80’s when two fantical Mormon brothers murdered their sister-in-law and fifteen-month-old niece because “God told them to.” However, in order to examine how this might happen in two men that are not clynically insane, the author examines the history of Mormonism and Mormon Fundamentalism, specifically. I won’t make any generalizations here about Mormons. However, it seems that the Mormon Fundamental Movement is pretty messed up and does have a shared history with much of Mormonism. In the process he ends up examining religous faith in general and the pros and cons of zealouts regardless of their affiliation. Fascinating stuff, but also terrifying.
I’m back in B’ham and kinda bored. There’s stuff to do, but I really miss being on a camp team. I’m definitely ready to get Tour under way so I can at least feel like I’m creating something. I did watch The Real Gilligan’s Island last night. I can’t think of a much worse idea for a show, yet I watched two hours of it. I’m sick. I need help. Pray for me.
05
Jun
Author: kinsley // Category:
xanga
So, mad props to the SL@the Beach team. Sixteen staff members, not only doing camp and recreation but also hosted an extremely successful concert. All without staffers. They are most certainly no longer the cush team. Everyone is doing great, but I will single out KJ in particular. See the conversation below.
Liza: Kinsley, aren’t you so proud of KJ?
Me: Yeah, I am.
Nate: He’s doint a great job. Not that anyone thought he wouldn’t.
Nate&Kinsley: Except for maybe himself.
Digression: Delta now offers a variety of snacks to choose from instead of just the traditional peanuts or pretzels. These new choices include peanuts, Sun Chips, animal crackers, chocolate chip granola bars and smoked swiss and wheat cheese and crackers. The cheese and crackers are awesome! Why? Perhaps it’s the aging of my tastebuds, but I could eat them incessantly.
I’m in Glorieta with the Orange team. Things look great. Bought a new drum kit and bass rig, but Paco at the Guitar Center here is slow as Christmas. Holla.
04
Jun
Author: kinsley // Category:
xanga
All right. Jeremy Camp. It actually was pretty good. Great performer. Great interaction with the crowd. KJ says he’s a nice guys. Just don’t ask Hannah about the milk and cerial. So, I guess the new concert series at SL@the Beach was a success. Bring on Brock Gill and Third Day.
Digression: We shouldn’t even publish a dress code for beach camp. I would take and upload pictures to prove my point, but then I’d be some shady guy taking shady picutres. Take my word for it.
Gone to Glorieta tomorrow. Back in B’ham on Wednesday.
03
Jun
Author: kinsley // Category:
xanga
Never mind. Taylor gave me some approval.
Headed to Destin, FL today with Liza to visit SL@the Beach. Jeremy Camp in concert. Woo-hoo!
Actually, I’ve never listened to Jeremy Camp. Can’t wait to see what the hype is about. I do know that on the “Inspirational” section of iTunes he has two of the top selling albums.
Perhaps, I’ll check back later.
Holla.
02
Jun
Author: kinsley // Category:
xanga
Okay. So this is my first blog entry. However, I joined 56 days ago, mainly to see what this is all about but you can get an idea about me from that information.
First, I’ll explain my name. Outbackflo goes back to my college days. I was given the name “Outback” because when my friends and I would go camping, I often didn’t sleep in a tent but preferred to just lay down by the fire. I was given the name “Flo” at a truckstop where we used to hang out. They were short staffed one night, and I started helping take orders in such. I was also wearing a workers shirt with a name on it. So, they started calling me “Flo” (think of the TV show “Alice” for a reference). Eventually the two merged into “Outbackflo.” There you have it.
Second, I’ll explain the name of this blog. “Stargazing” comes from my favorite Psalm, Psalm 8. “When I consider the heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have made, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?”
“Asking the right questions of the universe” comes from some advice I received from one of my heroes, Brennan Manning, who told me I would be all right because I was asking the right questions. Great advice.
So, it sounds pretentious, but there it is. Okay. I’ll end now. According to Taylor, this is not a good post.
